She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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