i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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