The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
