god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
