It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
