Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
