i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
