So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
