Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
