If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
