I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
