is your mom at the bar?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
