i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
