that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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