New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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