this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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