Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
