He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
