the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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