Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
