I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Can you bring me the toilet please
Randomize
