Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
