remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
