When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
