i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
