I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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