You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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