were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
