I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
