Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
