i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
