Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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