I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
