I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
