Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
