I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
