Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
