how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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