When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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