soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
