last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
