I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
