the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
