You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
