i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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