And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
