So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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