i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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