time to smoke my breakfast
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
