I'm gonna have a badass scar
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Let's get the cat blown out
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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