For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
