So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
