My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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