my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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