Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
