So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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