You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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