highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Two words: blizzard sex
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
