____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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