Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
