woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
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My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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