I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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