Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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