made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
