he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
