I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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