if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
