you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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