Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm getting married
To pizza
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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