so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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