i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
