the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
