Define "chronic" masturbator.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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