Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm having to shit out rocks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize