I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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