just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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