What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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