i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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