I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
