My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
