Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
