So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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