she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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