This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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