What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize