Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
