Don't make out with my wife yet
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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