If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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